


early days

by dizzy



Series: we're all dying anyway 2019 daily fic advent [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21693526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Prompt:dan and phil’s early days, i just need some 2009 fluff okay let me live
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: we're all dying anyway 2019 daily fic advent [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559167
Comments: 9
Kudos: 166





	early days

This morning's snow has turned into a brown slush under Phil's feet, wetness seeping in to chill his toes as they hurry their way to the bus stop. His mum could have driven them. She'd offered as she fused about, plying Dan with snacks for his train ride back and acting for all the world like the mum she is. 

Dan still looks shell-shocked when she does that. He looks at Phil with big helpless eyes. It's similar to the look he gives Phil sometimes, like he's just not sure what to make of kindness. It's not that he doesn't trust it; it's just that he hasn't had it all too often in his life. 

And Phil hates that. With every bit and piece of the puzzle of Dan that falls into place, Phil feels that peculiar feeling inside of him grow. He thinks that this is what being in love means, and he thinks it's really nothing like he'd thought it would be before it was his to feel. 

It's not just that he wants to kiss Dan and touch him naked and hold his hand all the time. He _does_ , but - it's more than that. It's that he wants to Dan to be happy almost more than he wants it for himself. There's a deep aching need burrowed in his chest to smooth over every rough step Dan's ever taken, to kiss every bruise that's faded from his skin even though it isn't there anymore, to keep him safe and make him feel loved and make the _world_ love him the way Phil does. 

It's like his heart just can't quite contain the multitudes of things he feels right now. He can't make sense of any of it, all he can do is open his mouth and hope that whatever comes blurting out isn't too ridiculous and makes some semblance of sense. 

Dan doesn't seem to think he's ridiculous, at least not in the ways Phil would be embarrassed by. Dan says silly things too sometimes, from passionately dramatic to transparently insecure. Love doesn't blind Phil to Dan's faults, but knowing Dan means he gets why those faults exist sometimes. And if Dan gets sad at three in the morning or maybe needs to hear an extra time or two that Phil likes him best out of everyone, Phil's perfectly alright with reassuring him. 

"Earth to Phil," Dan says, knocking playfully at Phil's temple. "The bus is here. Are you trying to make me miss it on purpose?" 

"Oh!" Phil blinks back into the moment, suddenly feeling his cold toes and smelling the exhaust fumes, and even more keenly the fact that this takes Dan one step closer to being so much further away. "Maybe." 

"Won't work," Dan says, stepping up. Phil follows so close behind that he steps on Dan's heels. If Dan notices, he doesn't say anything. "My mum would literally hunt me down. She's already rung twice to make sure I'm on my way, remember?" 

Phil just makes a face at him as they settle into two side by side seats. Their knees knock together and their shoulders bump. There's an older woman listening to holiday music without any headphones, the tinny sound carrying through. Phil likes it a bit, humming under his breath. 

Dan hums too and Phil grins at him and Dan grins back and Phil's still gutted that Dan's going to get on a train in half an hour and they'll have to say goodbye again. But they've got plans for New Year's already and Phil's never been one to rush Christmas, with it's comfortable traditions and abundant food and piles of shiny fun presents, but this year he's already dreaming of midnight kisses and sitting with his arm around Dan for all the world to see, or a least a little corner of their universe. 

And he already knows the world will seem a little smaller and sadder when he treks his way back home alone. But eventually he’ll crunch his way through the sludge on the ground and walk back into the warmth of home, change his socks and tuck himself back in the comfy corner chair in the family room. He’ll eat some more cakes and laugh with his family and keep Dan in his pocket, exchanging endless messages as they both count down the days until next time.


End file.
